I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
