is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
