I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
