our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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