Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
