im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
