He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
