You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize