I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize