Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
