first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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