my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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