Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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