I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
