But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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