If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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