you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
