you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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