I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
