It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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