alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
