Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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