i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
