Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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