Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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