At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs