What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
