Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.