well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed