I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
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Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.