The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".