You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out