The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
