I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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