I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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