he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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