I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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