im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
