I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The beer is more important than you right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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