he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I forgot wine drunk hurts
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
