before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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