I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
