i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
