I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
