I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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