the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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