Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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