Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
