I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
