I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
