There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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