Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The air taste purple.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
