So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
