I'm so fucking centered right now
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
