he puts the penis in happiness.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
