You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They took my balls.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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