i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
