i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
