He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
