The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then my night got REAL pukey
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
