Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
