The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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