can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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