I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize