i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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