You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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