What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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