If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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