haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
