I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
