don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
